It is widely believed that thrilling sexual adventures belong only to the young. As people grow older, their passion supposedly turns dull, disappears, or simply isn’t worth the trouble.
Karen Bigman, a 62-year-old certified sex educator, once believed this narrative. But her recent experiences tell a different story. She’s had spontaneous encounters in restaurant bathrooms, hotel rooms, and even the back seat of a car under a convenience store’s fluorescent lights.
Bigman’s work with clients reinforces her belief that sex in later life isn’t just happening—it’s getting better. For some, it’s even kinkier, though this reality is rarely discussed and often not imagined for older adults.
Challenging the Age-Related Decline in Sex Life
The fear of a declining sex life with age isn’t unfounded. Bodies change, and menopause, typically starting in a person’s 40s or 50s, can bring symptoms like vaginal dryness or painful sex. Hormonal shifts can lower libido across all sexes, and fluctuating energy levels may require more effort, communication, and patience to act on desires.
However, this doesn’t have to mean the end of a satisfying sex life. According to sex therapists and individuals enjoying sex after 60, there are ways to maintain the spark and make small shifts with significant impacts.
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Practical Tips for Enhancing Sex After 60
Vaginal dryness is a common physical change with aging, often leading to the assumption that sex will be uncomfortable or painful. However, expert-recommended products like lubricants can effectively address this issue.
Bigman advises treating lube as a staple, applying it before and during sex to reduce friction and enhance pleasure. She recommends using it during foreplay and on various body parts for a fuller experience.
Sometimes, the issue isn’t physical but rather the quality of sex. Tammy Nelson, a 63-year-old AASECT-certified sex therapist, emphasizes that if sex isn’t exciting, it’s natural to lose interest. However, one benefit of aging is the increased willingness to be blunt about desires.
An anonymous 64-year-old woman shared how speaking up about her kinks led to her first real orgasm at 61.
Discovering what excites you most often involves masturbation. For many women in their 50s and 60s, this has been a turning point in understanding their bodies and preferences.
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Shay Martin, a 63-year-old owner of a sex toy brand, notes the freedom to explore her body and the variety of tools available to enhance solo pleasure. Research supports the benefits of masturbation, including increased confidence and relief from menopause-related symptoms.
As bodies age, certain positions may become uncomfortable. Isma, 68, shares how she and her husband have adapted their sexual practices to accommodate physical changes, such as using a wedged foam pillow for support during sex.
Dr. Nelson challenges the notion that “good sex” must include penetration and orgasm. Expanding the definition of good sex to focus on sensations and intimacy can keep sexual experiences exciting and realistic.
Dr. Nelson emphasizes the need to redefine “good sex” beyond penetration and orgasm. This expanded definition focuses on sensations, intimacy, and mutual pleasure.
Adapting to Physical Changes
As bodies age, physical changes can impact sexual experiences. Joint pain or reduced flexibility may make certain positions challenging. Isma, 68, shares her experience of adapting to these changes.
