The concept of quiet quitting has moved beyond the workplace to describe a strategy of doing only the bare minimum in relationships. The term, which previously described a method of preserving energy at a job, has been applied to personal connections. One author, who reported on the topic for a book on maternal relationships, notes that maintaining a bond with a mother can connect people to resources like health insurance or cultural ties. Even when those practical needs are met, a relationship may still leave a person exhausted.
What Going Low-Contact Means
Low-contact is a strategy of maintaining a relationship with minimal interaction. Therapist Whitney Goodman, an LMFT, explains that there is no official definition for this dynamic. The approach can look different for everyone. Some people may choose to avoid one-on-one visits but stay in touch through text or email. Others might limit contact to quarterly phone calls or greeting cards. For some, talking once a week is enough, while others may find that once a year is sufficient.
This approach provides more time, energy, and emotional bandwidth for self-care. It is particularly relevant in maternal relationships, which often contain emotional triggers. If spending time with a mother feels exhausting or if past attempts to set boundaries have failed, pulling back can be beneficial.
Testing Boundaries
Therapists suggest viewing this process as a series of experiments. A person can test different levels of withdrawal to see what feels good. This helps determine how much contact is too much or not enough. The first step involves reflecting on how a mother has responded to boundaries in the past. If a mother has previously ignored limits, a person may need stronger restrictions to protect their peace.
The next step is deciding how much contact is desired. People should consider their current routine and identify which interactions drain the most energy. For instance, if a mother visits unannounced or responds to every text, those points of contact might need adjustment. One might start by checking in with their own feelings before responding to a message. If that is not enough, a person could limit the number of responses per day or week. A practical adjustment would be to stop answering calls after a certain hour or to decline invitations that require significant preparation.
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There is no requirement to announce a change in contact levels. If a person feels safe and simply wants to alter their own behavior without asking the mother to change, that decision is valid. The author notes that people often feel a sense of relief when they stop retelling stories of how a mother has hurt them. A person can choose to hold back information about their life or skip events without discussion. If a mother asks for an explanation, a person is not obligated to provide one. They can make excuses or simply state that they will no longer participate in a specific activity.
Tracking Emotional Changes
Keeping track of emotional changes is the best way to determine if the strategy is working. A person can use a journal, a mood app, or therapy sessions to monitor their feelings. It is important to remember that this change affects more than just the relationship with the mother. Breaking old patterns can create a sense of purposelessness or a feeling of forgetting something important. Feeling a lack of relief or a return of anxiety after pulling back suggests the plan needs to be adjusted.
Recognizing When to Stop
A person must evaluate the relationship objectively. A mother who demands constant communication or criticizes personal choices is likely toxic. If the individual feels anxious, guilty, or depressed after every interaction, the dynamic is harmful. Continued contact may cause lasting damage to mental health. In these cases, going low-contact is not enough. The situation requires a complete withdrawal from the relationship.
Steps to Take
Removing a toxic parent requires a clear plan. One person might first stop responding to texts after a certain time of day. Another might stop visiting the mother’s home. The individual should prepare for potential guilt or anger from the mother. They should also reach out to friends or a therapist for support.
